30 lbs.

On the nose.

30 lbs.

Damn right.

Temptations.

It is at THIS point in the year that I generally slip-up and give into the edible temptations that come with the closing of a school year. Inevitably there are parties and potlucks, all of which provide plenty of opportunity to shovel unrelenting amounts of delicious treats down my pie hole. Oh the food - the glorious food! Thus begins the weight gain  portion of my yo-yo rhythm.

It is also around this season that my fine-tuned workout regime starts to fall by the wayside. Again, with the end of the year, because of all the parties and extra-curricular activity, there seems to be little time for working out. Or rather, I'm too tired and "busy" with other crap to work out.

The combined digression of healthy heating and lack of exercise propels me, again, for the umpteenth time into a cycle of gain weight, feel like shit, lose weight, slack off, gain weight. Uh. I'm so over it. So. Over. It.

So here's what's going to be different this time around, because I'm a fiery kind of determined that my efforts of the past four and a half months will not be frittered away. I'm going to first recognize and acknowledge this pattern. Being aware of what is happening is the first step, is it not? As the parties come up and the glorious grub is presented to me in all its splendor, I will allow myself to indulge. What I will not do, as I've previously done, is gorge. I will taste what I want. I will enjoy it. And I will stop. Finally, I have made a commitment to continue exercising at minimum, three times a week. Even if it's just to take Olive on a 30 min walk.

I refuse to gain back the almost 30 lbs. I've lost. Yes, 30!!! Technically, I'm about a half pound away from the big three-oh - close enough. I feel amazing and I don't want to lose that feeling. So if I feel myself slipping and falling back into the quagmire of weight gain, I will remind myself of how well I both look and feel.

Feel free to hold me accountable.

Spring Break 2012

Awesome.

That's what spring break 2012 has been for this gal.

First things first: a word on friendship. A little over a year ago I wrote about the friendships in my life. Specifically one that had fallen by the wayside, one that I'd all but given up on. It was hurtful, but I didn't know any other way to make it better, so I did my best to move on from the loss - and a loss it was. This was a friend who held an incredibly important history in my life, and her absence was deeply felt. I'm happy to say that through a series of emails, we have slowly begun to reconnect. I wanted to do something for her son who turns four years old tomorrow so I put together a little slideshow of pictures of him over the past few years. I burned the slideshow and put it in the mail. This is what I found inside my inbox this morning:

What absolute and utter delight! That little face, those silly and kind words. It made my week. I responded to my friend letting her know how glad I was that he enjoyed the video, but more so that she enjoyed it as well. While it was a gift for her son, this was also another hand extended, another small brick put back into the foundation of our friendship. I couldn't be happier.

The next best part of my week was photographing newborn, Jack Michael. At just 8 days old this fine young man slept through the entire session allowing us to pose and repose him. My friend Z was on hand, as this was her new nephew, and I was able to snap a few that included her. Jack could not have been a better baby and it was a perfect session. The images I was able to capture were fantastic and in my opinion, my very best work to date.

My photography website is now completely functional and I have my own domain! I also created a Facebook page on the encouragement of Jack's proud mom. Slowly I'm growing my gig and it's tons of fun.

On the Big Red front: he started his new job, and guess what? It's going so well! We're both relieved and excited for the many opportunities that will be coming his way. Although this new job will include travelling which will take him from me and Olive every now and again, I am completely and fully supportive of this endeavor. He more than deserves his chance to shine and dammit, I believe he'll finally have his moment.

Lastly, and I can't believe I'm listing this last because it's certainly not LEAST - I'm just 0.4 lbs. shy of hitting another weight loss milestone: 25 lbs. I'm pretty sure it's in the bag and hopefully this weekend or early next week, I'll cross that threshold. I feel fabulous, astoundingly phenomenal. My clothes are hanging off me, and I'm able to pull out pieces that had long since been buried at the back of my closet. I'm not quite slinking into the jeans I wore for my bachelorette party, but no doubt, I'll get there.

The life that Big Red and I have created is really coming into its own. We are both collectively and individually hitting our strides; I have great hope that more goodness is just on the horizon.

Cheers.

OCD.

Happy Saturday Morning. Today's edition of Glass Half Full is brought to you by the sweet mollifying melody of rain. It's been downright daggone hot in the Steel City. For the past several days it was as if we'd skipped spring altogether and been thrust into summer. Lambent blue skies and 80 degree weather. We even broke a record high that had been in place since the 40s. The rain is a welcome respite from the heat, and perfectly sets both mood and tone for today's project.

The title of this entry is twofold:

1. Yes, OCD is referring to the traditional take on the acronym. Sometimes I refer to myself as Monica Geller after Courtney Cox's character on the 90s show, "Friends." I am somewhat comically obsessed with keeping neat and organized. Living by the philosophy that everything has its place is comforting. I enjoy lists and being able to check off items pleases me to no end. I use the term OCD here as more of a tongue-in-cheek reference; while I enjoy cataloging and orderliness, I realize the true disorder is no joke.

2. I'm creating my own OCD acronym: Organizing Circulating Dinners. In my recent efforts to get and remain healthy, I've revamped my menus and have amassed a sundry of dinners. Using my cookbooks, recipes passed along from friends and the glorious phenomenon known as Pinterest, I now have somewhere near 50 recipes. No kidding. And I keep collecting more and more.

I've been able to get all meals listed in a Word document. The next step is to take a trip to Staples and pick up some large note cards. I'm getting three different colors; each meal will be categorized as one of the following: vegan, vegetarian, conventional. Ideally, each card will give the name of the meal, list ingredients and directions, and give nutritional information. I don't plan on getting it all done today - I don't have nutritional information for everything, but intend to add the information as I make the meals for which that info is missing. Once each card is finished, it will get laminated, I'll punch a hole in the corner, and then put it on a metal ring. Imagine a key chain of quick to access meals with all pertinent information. Easy quick menu planning makes my little heart sing!

Speaking of little, I've added another 2.4 lbs. to my weight loss, putting me at -22.4 lbs. I keep on keep'n on and am sticking strong with my workouts. As I sipped my once-a-week mug of coffee this morning, Big Red and I caught an infomercial for Insanity. Um, there are no words. It really does look insane. I'm not quite ready to take on Insanity and will happily remain with my P90X for the time being. Perhaps Insanity will be the next step?

Big Red has also hopped on the healthy train. The week that has just ended was the first of two that Big Red has off in the interim between jobs. He ate a revised and healthier breakfast and had for lunch whatever I took. He dropped 4 lbs. this week. He's going to continue to follow in my footsteps again this coming week and reports that he's feeling good. And of course that make me feel good. I'll be more than happy to quit buying Pop Tarts and crap-filled hot dogs. He's even tried to lay off the coffee a bit, a well-known Big Red vice.

Happy 4 days into Spring 2012.


ps: Big Red is also making big progress on the small bathroom renovation. Drywall is up, second coat of mud is up. We're buying primer, paint, and tiles this weekend. :)

Banner Week!

For a while I've had little to write about. Well, you know how they say life shows up in threes? Whoever they are - they are right. This week was a banner week.

I. Big Red
I haven't really spoken of Big Red for a while because there wasn't much to put on  paper screen. Big Red's story is a bit convoluted for those who haven't been following so I'll give you the shortened version as best I can. Here's the lightening fast wrap-up of what's happened with Big Red since we arrived back in our Steel Town in the summer of 2008:

• He gets hired within a week of our return, making a really great flat-rate salary at an Audi/VW dealership. Turns out the dealership sucks big time and he works with a bunch of chauvinistic cheating pigs.
• He leaves dealership to work in an independent shop - sigh of relief. This place is a little further, but worth the commute. Turns out his boss begins to cheat him so that he won't have to pay Big Red. Huge bummer.
• He leaves the small shop and takes a break from being a mechanic altogether; quits working, stays home for 8 weeks and finishes our basement over the holidays.
• When it's time to look for work, he's weary of going back to any kind of shop so he gets a job as a parts delivery driver making $8/hr. While the money is tight, he's home before me, and his demeanor completely lightens up; he's the happiest he's been since we've been here.
• Then the mother of all job opportunity arises. He has a chance to go work for an independent shop, one where they specialize in taking care of vintage race cars. It's a dream. He begins the job in the summer of 2011. We all breathe a collective sigh of relief and I write about it here. And then the worst things happens: the dream becomes a nightmare. Big Red is treated like crap, referred to a "f*@king monkey" in front of clients. He comes home many nights dejected and confused. He begins to spin into a darkness I've never seen before. This job lasts six weeks. Just when we think everything is lost and there's no hope, yet another way out turns up - a job at a Toyota dealership where his friend works. He jumps on it and begins in the early fall of 2011.
• Big Red's spirit brightens and things seem to mollify themselves. But no, of course not, that would be too easy. Turns out this dealership is no better than the previous one. There's plenty of brown-nosing mechanics getting fed work. What becomes clear as day is that dealerships just SUCK. It's an environment that breeds corruption because income is on the line. Takeaway the variability of income, and I'm certain things would be better. But that'll never happen. Big Red begins to look for a way out.
• Through the most unconventional turn of events, through a friend of a friend who knows his mother, Big Red is told to "call" Mr. W. Mr. W is the owner of a small shop that caters to vintage race cars, among other race cars (open-wheel). When my mother-in-law gives me the message, I'm nervous because I know that Big Red's palate has been soured with his experience last summer at the other race shop. Nevertheless it's another chance. I give the message to Big Red, he's understandably skeptical. I encourage him to call anyhow. He does. Meets Mr. W, and realizes that Mr. W ain't like the others, and actually refers to what he does as "a craft." Big Red is over the moon. They negotiate a salary, yes a freaking SALARY, and Big Red begins work on April 2!

What's the moral of the story? Risk. You must be willing to take risks. Had Big Red snuffed the invitation to call Mr. W because he was afraid to encounter the hell he had previously, he would have missed out on the chance of a lifetime. And folks, this really is the chance of a lifetime. Working with Mr. W will allow Big Red to travel and do unique amazing work. It's the piece of the puzzle that's been missing since we moved back. I am beyond excited for him, and more than anything relieved. When I hurt, it's my own problem and I can fix myself. When my husband hurts and I'm left helpless because there isn't a damn thing I can do, I feel useless. There are few things worse than seeing someone you love, to the moon and back, hurt so deeply. Likewise, there are few things better than seeing that same person happy.

II. 20+ lbs.
This morning I weighed in and I've crossed the 20 lb. threshold. I'm down a total of 21.2 lbs! I am ECSTATIC.  Yes, I still have another 18 to go, but I'm more motivated than ever. I've kept up with the P90X, but I have made a few of my own modifications. I did not like the Kempo so I'm substituting that for a day where I take long run (5-6 miles), or I hop on the elliptical. It's going incredibly well, and I'm damn proud of myself. My battle with food continues to be won, and it's actually becoming less of a battle. Earlier this week one of our math teachers had pies for "Pie Day" (3/14), and offered up some to those of us eating in the lunch room. While I could of just said no and skipped it altogether, I quickly realized that it wasn't necessary, but that I'd have to exercise restraint on how much I took. Look, I love food and that's never going to change. I can still eat sweets if the craving hits, I'm just much more aware of what I'm eating and how much of it I'm going to eat. I took a sliver of key lime pie and a sliver of peanut butter pie. I enjoyed every single morsel, my craving was satisfied, and I didn't undo all my hard work.

III. New Website
My photography is slowly growing. I don't have a large client base by any stretch, but word is quietly getting around. I've known for a while that the next step in growing my photography business is to put together a website. I'm not ready to invest hundreds in some flashy set up, so I've been scouring the internet for free options. This week I found one through www.wix.com. I don't own my own domain just yet, and am planning to take that second leap this summer. It isn't terribly expensive and it's something I'll definitely take care of. Until then, my photography business can be found at: http://www.wix.com/ilenemarshall/photography. I will continue to update my galleries, hopefully getting some students to do some senior portraits soon. I'm proud of what I've put together and while I know it's relatively simple compared to the super-professionals out there, I'm quick to realize I'm not a super-pro. I'm a full-time teacher with a budding photography business. For now, I think it's a great start.

3.2 lbs.

There isn't much to say today other than I'm just 3.2 lbs. shy of hitting a 20 lb. loss. Which means - I'm almost half way to my goal. Some weeks my numbers are big and some weeks my numbers are small. When I weighed in this morning I only recorded an 0.8 lb. loss. The other week it was 3 lbs.

I hate to admit it, but the damn scale moving is probably the most motivating factor. Sucks I know because the scale doesn't always tell the whole truth, but I'm just being honest.

My clothes are beginning to fit poorly, but because I'm still well into my journey, I don't want to buy anything yet. The other day I had to roll the top of one of my pairs of black work pants. Yes, roll, as in fold over. They don't have belt loops so I had no way of keeping them up other than rolling the top of them as if they were a pair of sweatpants. I guess you could say this is a good great problem to have.

It's early, and a tad bit too chilly out, but I think I'll hitch up the dog and take her for a walk. Then when I get back since I'll be all warmed up, I'm going to hit the elliptical. No sense in wasting a perfectly good morning, and the poor dog hasn't been on a walk for a while because of the weather. It'll do us both some good.

Happy Weekend.

...day 21...

...and things couldn't be better. I just weighed in and lost another three pounds. Since the start of this eating challenge I'm now down 5.8 pounds, giving me an overall grand total of 14 pounds since the clock struck 2012.

And it feels A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

Typically when I get caught up in some new eating fad, it's hard at first, takes a while to get used to - all the usual crap. The brilliance of this eating challenge has been that for not one second has it been difficult. I eat when I'm hungry and I pretty much eat however much I want - which for this gal, who loves her portions!, is so satisfying. I'm not cranky, I don't "miss" anything. I've had a few sodas here and there when I've really felt like it, Big Red and I bought some ice cream last weekend, and I even had (twice) a coffee mug full of delicious butter pecan - full fat, mind you. I'm no longer fettered to the scale and can patiently wait until the week's end to weigh myself.

It's amazing.

I've been working out hard this week and plan to for the coming week as well since my free membership at the gym ends on the 26th. If I can knock out a few more pounds before the membership is up, I'll be pleased as punch.

Some of the recipes I've come across have been incredibly delicious and one, well, not so much. I honestly didn't think eating plant-strong with plenty of veggies, legumes and fruits would be this easy. I've virtually eliminated all animal products for the duration of this challenge. I did though make some orange chicken, from scratch using THIS recipe the other night. It was scrumptious served over brown rice, although I noticed how heavy the meal felt and how I couldn't put down the portion I normally would have. Oh, and I did sprinkle about a 1/4 cup of shredded cheese over top of a vegan casserole - mainly for Big Red. But honestly, other than those two moments, it's been clean eating out the gate. And I feel clean. It's almost like my body is rejuvenating itself and running on premium fuel.

Even though the challenge is going to be up after this coming week, I definitely see myself carrying on with these habits. How could I not? My body is responding beautifully to the food I'm eating, it's definitely responding the calories I'm torching at the gym - even Big Red noticed the other day: Your body feels different, stronger and more lean. What woman WOULDN'T want to hear that?!?!?! And even though I know I'm doing this for myself, I would be lying if I didn't say his noticing didn't stoke the encouragement fire. Some other folks have noticed the weight loss, mainly in my face (isn't that always the first place to show? why can't it be the belly or thighs? or even the back fat?), and a colleague commented on my baggy pants the other day.

It all makes me feel great.
It all makes me feel amazing.
Have I mentioned how amazing this has all been?
The proof is in the pudding plants.
Time to head to the gym. :)

Hanging in the Strip

I've finally found my way back to this blog. Truth is, there hasn't been much to mull over. I guess I could tell you the story of how at this year's staff holiday party, a colleague mistakenly thought I was pregnant. Yup. Actually put her hand on my belly, eyes all lit up and asked if I was pregnant. My response: Nope. I'm just really f*@$ing fat right now, but thanks for coming! Yeah, that was pretty awesome. I didn't go jump off one of the many bridges readily accessible to me, instead I reacted as any female would - I proceeded to stuff my face for the rest of the evening. And then the very next day moved the elliptical out from the corner of the storage room (which has since become overrun with construction crap) and into the family room. I aimed it right at the TV. The social faux pas happened a week ago. Since then I've been eating better, walking the dog, and riding the elliptical. I guess sometimes we need someone to overstep themselves to shake us out of our slumps. It's not like I haven't noticed; I've just been in denial. That's all I'm going to say about that.

As for the rest of my life, the usual has been going on - the hyper gluttony of Thanksgiving, pulling out the Christmas crap (I personally LOVE Christmas crap), and counting down the days until Winter Break when I get a respite from my students, and they get a break from me. Cause let's be honest, as much as they get under my skin, I'm sure they'd chirp in with a similar vein of thought. Or would it be a tweet instead of a chirp? I don't tweet, and I don't plan on tweeting. I don't even own a smart phone. I still have a flip up the front lid type of cell phone. Do I really need the Internet right at my fingertips at any given moment? Really? Nah. I'd rather spend my money on a digital photography class at the local center for the arts. T really wants to take the class and thinks it's a good idea. I think it's a great idea, but the tuition is a tough pill to swallow at the moment. I told her I'd be up for it (and the cost) this coming spring.

Speaking of photography, in my last post I mentioned a possible opportunity to photograph a couple on their wedding day. They chose to go with someone with a little more edge. I was SO okay with that. Like I said before, the idea of doing a wedding, even if it was just going to be the couple and no one else, makes me incredibly nervous. Perhaps someday down the line. Right now, I'm just content photographing newborns, pregnant ladies, and of course, Miss Daisy, T's daughter. I went over there recently and took some holiday pics of the little one. She's just too freaking cute. It's almost painful how cute she is. Her eyelashes are insane. That girl will never need to buy a tube of mascara.

I still have a lot to learn when it comes to snapping pics. That being the case, T and I decided to head down to the Strip District this morning. The Strip is about a half mile of shops, wholesale food markets, and all kinds of eateries, bakeries, and sidewalk food. We brought our cameras with us and had another go at practicing our art. Before heading to the strip we went to the West End Overlook, a great spot for getting an awesome shot of our little city.


I shot in RAW this time around. It's my first time shooting in this format. In the post-editing process, I did notice a difference. My ability to control the colors was much more acute. I dig it. I like how the images turned out.

I'm trying not to let myself get overwhelmed with how much there is to know in the world of photography - cause let me tell you, there is A LOT. At least if you want to do it right. I know much of pulling the trigger on a good image has a tremendous amount to do with the photographer's eye and instinct. I think I've a little bit of that in me. It's the technical stuff that I've got to study and practice. I'm hoping to add another lens to my bag, and a bag for that matter, this Christmas. Hopefully, Big Red - err, Santa, brings me the bag I've asked for. I sent Santa an email last week with a link to where to purchase said bag. It sure would be nice to travel to California for Christmas with my camera  tucked away safely in the perfect camera bag...

summer: day 30

I don't have much to write about these days. Perhaps it is my woman of leisure status, but honestly there ain't much to scribble out. It's been humid in a way that I haven't experienced in a long while. When I step outside to let Olive relive herself at 8 am, it already feels as though mother nature herself has gotten a bee up her bonnet about nesting and has unnecessarily (and cruelly) bundled the world with a sopping wet wool blanket. Poor Olive. After she relieves herself she wants little to do with investigating the leaves and branches in the yard. She promptly returns to my side as if to beg with those melt your heart eyes: Can we please go back inside where there's air conditioning? And that is what we do. Return to some semblance of breath-ability and comfort. 

I have been reading and finished my second summer book, Half Broke Horses, by Jeannette Walls. She also wrote the very popular memoir, The Glass Castle. Read that one too. Super good read. Her second book, a novel by technicality because it is written in first person, is at heart, her grandmother's memoir. It had me from the very first page until the very last. Once again, I have read a book that leaves me wishing I wish I could have written that! But a novel? I don't know if I have the patience for all that detail and all the in-between that belongs to a novel. I am a poet by nature. I like the concise nature of its form. I can pack a punch in ten or twenty lines without having to give readers all the filler. Although...I will say that I am attempting to branch out a little more. This blog, for instance, is an example of that growth. I want to hone my skills as writer of creative nonfiction. I'm dipping my toe in the Gilbert - Sedaris - Didion pool. Whether or not I'll be able to perform an effortless butterfly in said waters remains to be seen. I'd like to believe I have the chops to give it a worthwhile attempt. One of my first attempts is the essay, "B&B." 

I am also trying to get through my first issue of The New Yorker. I bought a subscription as a gift to myself for completing seven years of teaching. It is definitely a magazine of superior writing quality, but - not all the articles are of interest to me. There are a couple I'm going to scan or simply skip. Is that wrong? Can I not call myself a reader of The New Yorker if I commit such atrocities? Is it really an atrocity to skip articles in a magazine? I also subscribe to People (goes along with my quality TV watching lineup). I read every single article in People. Yeah, I know - it appears I still have a long way to go. Working on it.

I continue to exercise, walking Olive first and then either going for a run myself or hitting the elliptical. Although the scale says nothing is happening, I feel so much better than I did in June. I'm eating healthy, attempting to keep my cuisine simple and enjoyable. Occasionally I'll indulge in a summer treat here and there. I've also decided something. I'm done with counting calories. I'm done with doing "diets." I don't mind the occasional fast or cleanse, but I'm done with all the other crazy fads and whatnot. I know what to eat. I know how much of it to eat. I'm going to listen to my body and how I feel. The scale will always be there, I haven't been able to throw it out, but I'm not going to live and die by it anymore. You can hold me accountable on that one.

Today is day 30 of my beloved summer. I'm not panicking just yet, but I do feel a sense of the passage of summer time. I've got a few fun things lined up for August: Lunch with MJ, a trip to The Fake Beach (read: Lake Erie), T will be giving birth to Miss Daisy, and Mom is on a hunt to find cheap tickets so that she can come out for a visit. 

Summer is NOT OVER yet.

Not no way, not no how. 

Guess I did have a few things to write about.

Dear Body,

Hi there, it's me, your landlord.  It's a beautiful day, and in a few minutes I'm going to take you and Olive for a walk.  The temperature has finally cooled off some, so I say we take advantage of it before the intense heat of summer pummels us once again.

You have undoubtedly noticed (I definitely have), I've been neglecting you lately. There's nothing to say other than, I'm sorry. I really am. I was off to a great start at the turn of the New Year, and together we worked to shed an impressive 17 lbs. It appears that during the month of April things went a little haywire, and thus slacking ensued. I've written about this kind of laziness before, I've tortured myself about it in the past, but body - I'm refusing to do that anymore. I've acknowledged my slip-up, my relapse, and I'm moving on, getting back on track. What's going to be tough is in the coming weeks there are so many end-of-the-school-year type of functions that revolve around food. And let's be honest, the food isn't going to be super healthy.

This, body, I pledge to you: I am going to hold myself accountable for what I eat. There may be times when I eat less than healthy selections, but I will keep watch over my portion control. I refuse to throw away the hard work accomplished earlier in the year just because of a two-month relapse. And since we're being honest, let's just put it out there - I've gained back 7 lbs. While that's really hard to write, this is about full disclosure and there's no need to sugar coat anything at this point. Pun intended.

Body, you've been pretty damn good to me these last 32 - almost 33! - years. And in the coming year(s), I'm going to need you to do the most magnificent thing of all - create life. If I'm going to ask you to participate in life's biggest magic trick, then I surely need to step it up.

I'm still here, motivated as ever - I just got a little lost.
Anger and resentment are not healthy, so I'm going to forgive myself for my food indiscretions.
I hope you can do so too.

love,
me.