Tomorrow is October 1, and Autumn is definitely bringing her brilliance to the East. The leaves are begining to turn and I expect that in the next few weeks I will be amidst those pretty golden colors I've missed for the past several years.
It is not lost on me that fall also brings and end; when life becomes dormant and we take cover in the warmth we can find, while the winter white blankets us.
My life at the moment is not what I anticipated it would be. Big Red and I are finding that while we knew our transition to the East would be difficult, we never expected that it would be this hard. I'm sure privately, he has asked himself the very same question that I have asked of myself: Did we make a mistake?
What we have failed to realize is that as we mourn the life we had in CA, we quickly forget how many years it took us to get to that place. When we first arrived, we were miserable. We were living with my parents, and we both had jobs we were unhappy with. Fast-forward six years, and here we are at that very same juncture. The only difference is that we're now married, we're a little older and we know what it is like to have the things we want. My friends and parents have been keeping me sane and definitely lifting my spirits. They all have faith in us, and the decision we made. And that helps.
S told me last night that I have to remain positive and think about how I would feel the moment I got that call to be offered a full-time contract position. I have to make a conscious decision every day to put those thoughts out into the universe. I need to become a practitioner of the self-fulfilling prophecy. Gone are the negative thoughts. Only positive. Because really though, every single day is another day that I/we are closer to that life we've imagined for ourselves.
G sent, in an email today, the following:
Keep your chin up; you’re still that tough Panther
goalie...remember that all before you is only temporary.
He's right. I'm going to take my cues from the seasons as they progress. I'm going to imagine that the spring will bring warmth and a new kind of sunshine to our lives. I'm going to use this dormant period to work on me, my attitude and to try and focus on the immediate happiness's that are all around: our health, our family, our friends and our rock solid marriage.
No mistakes here.