In 3 Weeks...

I'll begin my new job. July 7. Coincidentally it's my brother's birthday. My birthday is July 9. I'll be at work on my birthday, and my wedding anniversary (2 years!) is on July 13. I'll be at work on that day too. Figures. But really and truly this all okay. I'm looking forward to starting my new job. I'm a little anxious too.

What are the others going to be like? I'm assuming they're all going to be very smart and motivated people, otherwise D-Man (my principal) wouldn't have hired them. Will they be nice? My guess is we're all going to show up with with same nervous anticipation; curious about each other and wondering with whom to make our alliances. I'm looking forward to making new friends. Most of my friendships were born out of my job and I hope I can connect with some really cool people. Maybe even someone who lives near us and who likes to exercise; a workout buddy maybe??

Speaking of which, I am working out. I was a little bummed yesterday morning when I woke up and weighed myself only to find that the 3 lbs. I'd shed the week before somehow had returned. I know there are an infinite number of explanations that are totally rational and would absolve me of any bad eating behavior (cause I kicked my own ass last week!), but it still stung a little. Although I am happy to report that the tape-measure showed progress...so, I guess I'm on the right track.

Big Red is in a slump and as his wife born under the sign of Cancer and a naturally nurturing human, I want to make it all better. And I can't. The environment in which he works is just crappy. Because he's got no seniority he gets all the leftover work if there's even any leftover to go around. He stands around a lot and that works on him all day long. He comes home not feeling so great about himself, even though he's done nothing wrong and is just as capable of a technician as all the other brutes in the shop.

I wish we had more money. I wish there was capital for Big Red to start his own shop. We're just not there yet; we're definitely on that trajectory, but we're just not there yet. I know he wants to be his own boss, but to get there a lot has to happen. I will confess that I do become concerned when I see that Big Red and his BFF (his future business partner) aren't really doing a whole lot in terms of research and planning. As someone who is highly self-motivated, I want to give some of my inherent personality to my husband. I want to light a fire under his ass. I keep thinking, "if this was my dream I'd be on the computer every night, I'd be setting up monthly meetings with my BFF and creating a business plan, researching, driving around looking for places...I wouldn't stop until I knew this was going to happen." But that's not my husband. I can't be him for him and I can't do this for him. It's not my dream. It's his.

Don't confuse my concern over his motivation and organizational skills with my total and complete belief that WHEN this business gets going, I wholeheartedly believe it will be successful. I really do. I know Big Red has a work ethic that is incomparable. He's honest, kind and people naturally gravitate towards him. He just needs a shove in the get-going department is all. Unfortunately if I bring it up, then I become the nagging wife. He already called me out on it last night, said I can tell when you're pushing.

Dear Big Red,

Okay fine. I was pushing a little. Just like I had to in order
to get you on this side of the marriage fence. And news
flash: planning, as much as it sucks dear Husband, is necessary.

I will continue to love you and support you. I only push because
I believe in you. I don't want you to wake up in two or even
five years and wonder why nothing has happened. Think of
the disappointment you'd feel then. You deserve to be your
own boss, but you have to work to make that happen. Make
it happen for yourself. Make it happen. Quit waiting for
something else to fall into place before you get started.
Now is as good a time as any. Plan and research your big heart
away. I'll be right behind you.

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