In my last post, I said I was going to wait to see lil' miss Daisy Grace until my mom arrived. Well, I cheated. Sorry, Mom. T said she wouldn't mind the company in the morning, and I was all-about hanging out with a newborn and my friend. So that's what I did this rainy Tuesday morning. Unfortunately T lives sorta out in the cut. Not really, but kinda really. I guess it depends on your perspective. Big Red and I don't live in the city, the city proper that is, but query his family and they'll say we live in the city. I think we live in the suburbs. If we live in the suburbs, then T definitely lives in the cut (Oops on the tangent. WARNING: more ahead.) Anyhow, I arrived at their charming abode around 9 and stayed until just after 12. Stinking dentist appointment was in the way of a leisurely day spent with two awesome chicks. Although, I'm sure at some point T would have wanted quiet time by herself with the little miss.
Daisy was the picture of perfection, making darling little newborn grunts and coos. T hit the baby jackpot as Daisy only cried when she was hungry. And pretty much, don't we all do about the same thing? I know Big Red turns into a BIG dragon if he doesn't eat. I get a wee bit cranky myself, more light-headed than anything else.You can hardly blame the gal for being a tad fussy.
We had a nice time, chatting about the little miss and life after a baby. T's totally rocking it. She's still the same woman, just with a baby on her lap and bottles in the sink. Okay, and a pack 'n play in the corner of the living room. I drilled her with questions and she was gracious enough to answer them all. I should have apologized in advance for the inquisition, but I didn't, so I'm apologizing now: Dear T, I'm sorry for the billion questions. Big Red calls it being nosy, I call it being inquisitive. I like to know about stuff, a lot of stuff, especially baby stuff. Consider yourself the lead now that you've got one, and me the understudy - hoping to get one. Mea culpa. Your friend. Ilene.
T fed me a brownie and some coffee (probably not the best idea pre-teeth cleaning), and I even left with a few parting gifts: two bambino books (one about getting knocked up, the other about what to do AFTER you've gotten knocked up), and one leftover ClearblueEasy pregnancy test. I won't be needing the pee stick for another year or so, and I did check the expiration date. I should (hope?) be covered.
While I was holding Daisy, my eyes fell upon tarot cards on T's bookshelf. I asked her for a reading. She handed me the deck and allowed me to shuffle and cut the cards. She laid them out and flipped each, one at a time, and we discussed the findings. Now I don't know how you feel about readings and psychics and such, but I find it all fascinating. I wouldn't bet my life on a reading, but I do think they can provide insight if you're in the right frame of mind. Essentially my reading revealed to us that the thing I want is peace and harmony. Peace of mind, peaceful life, a harmonious family that Big Red and I can build together. I need to relax about starting a family and worrying about whether or not it will all fall into place when I want it. I need to simply trust in our love and our life together and allow that to guide us into our harmonious "fall into place" space.
After returning home with super sparkling clean teeth, I opened up the "getting knocked up" read. Much of the information was stuff I'd already heard or read about. Hey, I like to do my homework - don't judge. It's probably still good to have on hand as a reference should I feel the need to go to it. Now the tricky part: let Big Red see my new acquisitions, or not? Kind of a toughie. I'm going to gamble and let him see the loot. What's the sense in hiding these things? He knows BABY is on the radar, and he also knows it's not happening tomorrow (huge EXHALE on his part). What's the harm? I'll let you know how it goes...besides, if the poo hits the fan, I can blame it on T. Ha!
The letting go business, is another story. It will be a challenge as I am such a planner. When I think about having a family I think about what the optimal time would be to do this, given that I'm a teacher, and thus when I'd need/want to get pregnant. While I don't believe it's a crime to plan ahead, I'm well-aware of the trap that planning creates: a fixed now or never mentality. And if it doesn't happen, then stress can ensue thereby creating further obstacles for getting pregnant. So here's my newest goal: learn to let go...ahem, not totally though. I'm not a, "fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal, you know moment to moment..." That's Vivian, not me. And Big Red is definitely not Edward. Although I wouldn't mind the stretch limo and the bouquet of roses, just without having to be a hooker. I mean, what would my principal say? What I can do is my very best to prepare myself for this adventure. Focus on what I can control because "Control is an illusion...Nobody knows what's going to happen next..." I can make healthy choices, exercise, love Big Red, love Olive, and love the home and life we've created.
And until I've got my own, and so long as T allows it, I'll get my baby fix through the little miss:
#1: Pretty Woman
#2: Days of Thunder