I know people are stopping by to read this blog. I know it because I track it. Some of these reading eyes are people that I know, some are that I love and trust. Many are strangers. They only know me as I've told my life in these posts. Two blogs that I have been following, The Vintage Wife, and Aura Joon, have recently posted about this very issue. Cedar, over at The Vintage Wife, chronicles among other aspects of her life, motherhood. Her daughter Lucy is absolutely adorable and delicious. She has, pretty regularly, posted images of her daughter for the past 21 weeks, but just declared that she will not longer being doing so. Cedar writes that she doesn't want Lucy "to feel when she is older that mama shared her entire childhood...precious family photos and memories with whoever would read it." She also goes on to write that it's her charge to keep those memories and images private until Lucy "can make that decision on her own." I can't help but agree with Cedar, as well as Aura over at Aura Joon.
In August Aura posted beautiful pictures, one of the things she's known for and loved for, and then left a little cryptic "p.s." with the following comments:
...another reason I am taking a break from this space, as I am starting to grow a bit worried about our privacy, and especially Elodie's. When things like searches for where we live show up in my google statistics, it makes me want to jump ship and completely delete myself from the online world. I have a child to protect now, and it is not her choice to be seen here in this space. I am going to think about what I am sharing as far as her privacy goes. I think I have already decided that I will no longer be sharing photos of her face, because she does not have a say in that.
I think about people who display their children in activities when they don't like the attention, celebrities selling pictures of their kids, and parents who force their families to go on reality shows. It makes me so sad, and I need to consider that her voice is important, even if she can't express it. This is no where near that extreme, and I have no issue with other people sharing photos of their children online. But this is a choice I am making that I think is best for our family.
Then more recently, on September 25th, Aura made it clear she would be leaving her blog. This post alone has received 133 comments, many in which readers express their sadness over the end of her blogging. So again, this brings me to what I've been chewing over lately. Let's face it, there's only so much I can write about Olive before it gets boring. Yes, we all know she's a fabulous dog, but after a while, who wants to read about a dog? To some degree, folks want to read what is sensational, what peaks their interest. If you're into reading mommy and baby blogs, then don't you want to not only hear about their trials and tribulations, but admit it - you want to see those cherubic faces as well. This isn't a baby or mommy blog, not yet anyhow (although these women have given me much to consider), but if I am to write about my daily life, that includes people (Big Red) who don't necessarily want their issues published online for all to read.
As of now, today, this lovely Wednesday afternoon, I'm not ending the blog. What I am though is questioning what is okay to write about and what is not. For the past few months, Big Red has been going through a rough time. I've wanted to write about that, mostly about how I'm dealing with it, but I haven't figured out how to write about my end of things without displaying him unnecessarily. Kind of hard to do.
I will say this. The other day, I pulled out THE BOX. This is the box that holds my wedding binder, the left over wedding invitations, cards we received, and a few of our wedding favors and personalized cocktail napkins. I love this treasure and every now and again pull it out and leaf through the carefully organized text of our wedding. Oh, the binder. What it reveals about me speaks volumes. I was freakishly organized. I can't help but smile every time I leaf through each purposefully designated section. And yes, I was one of those rare brides that enjoyed every second of planning her wedding. No Bridezilla here. Just pure fun and joy in attention to detail. I came to the section titled "Wayfarers Chapel." The Wayfarers Chapel is where we got married - an indescribably beautiful little chapel made of glass overlooking the Pacific Ocean. One of the tokens we received after exchanging vows was a copy of the transcript used in our ceremony. I turned to the actual vows and reread exactly what I said to Big Red that day. I reread them again and again. And again and again, the words for better or worse kept leaping off of the page.
By no means are we in such an or worse situation that would lead to the demise of our marriage. Not even close. What we are navigating is an or worse time in Big Red's life that is affecting his happiness and therefore having a cursory affect on our daily lives. What I have come to understand about being with someone means that what you experience, they experience with you. Your happiness and sadness do not exist in a vacuum - at least it doesn't in our marriage. What I am doing to help Big Red get through this trying time is to be present for him, to listen when he needs an ear and to allow him to struggle through this journey. Unfortunately my need to fix things has no place here. My place is to continue being his friend and wife. I do my best to keep what I can control, consistent, and he has reported that he's appreciated that.
I'm confident that the or worse portion will run it's course, in fact there have been signs that it's headed on its way out, and I look forward to the brighter and for better times ahead.